


you be the one with the most to lose tonight

by cloudghost



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Allison has a vision that Renee dies (but she doesn't don't worry), F/F, but it's not very explicit bc I'm also awkward haha, everyone has powers but they're more of a background thing, happy ending 100 percent guaranteed I promise, they have sex twice bc I'm gay, warning: Renee thinks she's gonna drown for a bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-16 18:21:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16500395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudghost/pseuds/cloudghost
Summary: “I always forget about your tattoo.”Renee’s mouth pulls into a mix between a smile and a grimace. “Good for you.”Allison pauses, studying her. “Are you mad at me?”“No.”“You are,” Allison says, trying to sit up but giving up when her body won’t respond properly. “You’re mad at me. Because I had a vision of your death.”





	you be the one with the most to lose tonight

When Renee opens the door to her apartment after her shift at the library, the first thing she sees is Allison, on her knees, her hands on the floor keeping her from falling forwards.

Renee’s hand twitches, reaching for a weapon that isn’t there. She thinks, _If someone hurt her, I will kill them_ , and doesn’t even feel like she needs to repent after.

“Allison,” she says, her voice not betraying her rapidly beating heart.

Upon hearing her name, Allison turns her head towards Renee. Her hair is hanging in front of her face and obscuring it from view, but Renee can hear her take a shaky breath. She kicks the door closed and drops to her knees next to her, gently brushing Allison’s hair aside.

Apart from the obvious panic in her expression, Renee can’t find anything that might tell her what’s wrong. She’s not sure if that’s better or worse than a clearly visible wound that she can at least do something about.

“What happened?” she asks, because Allison is still just shivering and breathing heavily.

“I think,” Allison says, her voice a wobbly, hoarse thing, “that I just had a vision.”

“Are you sure?” If Renee sounds hesitant, it’s because she has good reason to be: Allison hasn’t had a vision in almost a year. A small part of Renee actually foolishly started hoping her visions would never come back, even though she’s always known that’s not how powers work.

“It hasn’t been long enough to forget,” Allison grits out.

“What did you see?”

Allison swallows thickly, and there’s so much pain in her expression that Renee is taken aback. She can’t remember ever seeing her like that, not even after Seth’s death.

“Allison,” Renee says when she doesn’t answer and resists the urge to shake her.

“Your death,” she says, almost a whisper, not breaking eye contact with Renee. Then she collapses, falling forwards and thudding to the floor with her eyes open, unblinking, like she always eventually does after a vision. It’s a miracle she even made it to Renee’s apartment.

Usually, Renee manages to catch her before she falls. This time, she keeps staring at where Allison’s eyes just were before she fell, something cold washing over her.

Her death.

She shakes her head and pinches her thigh to snap herself out of her stupor. She’s not dead yet, and a vision means a warning, means a chance to avert it—unless it’s fate, which Renee doesn’t let herself dwell on, nor on the fact that every single one of Allison’s visions so far has come true.

Falling back into the routine of things is easy. She runs a hand over Allison’s eyes to close them, feels her head for bumps—thankfully, there are none, since she was already hunched over and landed on the hallway’s lavender carpet,—and then picks her up with a grunt and carries her to the couch, where she carefully sets her down.

Renee looks down at Allison and thinks that her visions really could have stayed gone. She’s always hated what they do to her.

Then, she calls Dan.

When Dan answers she’s slightly out of breath. “Renee?”

“Allison had a vision.”

“ _What_? Is she—”

“She’s okay. I carried her to my couch and she’s resting now. You know how she gets.”

“Fuck,” Dan says. “Fuck, Renee.”

“I know.”

“Do you know what it was about?”

Renee only hesitates for the briefest moment. “My death.”

“Fuck, Renee,” Dan repeats, this time with even more vehemence behind it. “Okay, sit tight and watch over her, I’ll call the others. We’ll be there in half an hour.”

After Dan hangs up, Renee doesn’t immediately lower the phone. She’s still looking down at Allison. _Watch over her_. She always does. Except… She crouches down next to her.

She feels Allison’s head again, and when there’s still no sign of a bump, she relaxes slightly. It shouldn’t have come to this. She and Allison have an agreement—Renee is supposed to help her make her visions as bearable as possible.

While waiting for the others and not taking her eyes off Allison for a second, Allison’s words keep ringing in her ears.

_Your death. Your death. Your death, your death, your death, your—_

When the ringing of the bell finally announces the arrival of the others, Allison still hasn’t woken up. Dan and Andrew both have keys, same as Allison, so she doesn’t get up and instead waits for them to let themselves in.

“Renee?”

Dan’s voice, and then she hears several people enter her apartment. She doesn’t look up as they all congregate around the couch Allison is lying on.

The Foxes are tied together by choice, not by vows. Every one of them has something they can gain from the others group, and so they live in equal exchange, their own little community. But over the years, especially after Neil’s arrival, they’ve become more than that, loyal to a fault, something more like a family. So she doesn’t need to check to know they’re all here.

Dan’s hand lands on Renee’s shoulder as she crouches next to her. Renee finally tears her gaze away from Allison and finds Dan also watching her with a worried expression before looking over at Renee. A moment of understanding passes between them. They’ve always been the most exposed to Allison during her visions, and arguably they’ve also always loved her the most. It’s never been easy on them, seeing her like this.

“Renee, what happened?” Renee looks over to the owner of the voice. It’s Nicky, wringing his astral-projected hands—his physical body is in Germany with Erik—with a pained expression on his face. She looks at the others, and the only one who shows no signs of worry or consternation on their face is Andrew, but you can never get far with him if you’re just reading the surface.

“When I came home, Allison was there, obviously in distress. She told me she’d had a vision, and that in that vision, she had seen my death.” For a moment, there’s a silence so absolute it feels like every one of them is holding their breath. “Then she collapsed. That’s all I know.”

Matt shakes his head. “And here we thought we wouldn’t have to deal with this again. She hasn’t had a vision since Neil—” He breaks off, his mouth pinching shut, and looks over at the man in question with a grimace.

Neil shrugs and says, “Since my father and his people tried to kill me.” Andrew steps almost imperceptibly closer to him.

Matt deflates. “Yeah, that.”

“Well, Renee’s not going to die.” They all blink, and it takes them a moment to place the voice. Then they all whirl towards the couch as one.

“Allison!”

Allison raises an eyebrow. “Yes, it’s me.” She looks over at Renee. “Help prop me up.” She doesn’t say please—demanding has always come more naturally to Allison—but she does soften her tone to let Renee know it’s a request. Renee obliges.

“You look like shit,” Aaron says, and that he speaks at all instead of ignoring all of them shows that he cares.

Allison waves him off. “Impossible.”

“What can you tell us about your vision?” Kevin asks, getting a pen and a small notepad out of his pocket like a reporter conducting an interview who hasn’t heard of recording devices yet.

“It’s night. Full moon, of course,” Allison adds, rolling her eyes, and everyone groans in agreement. Then she hesitates. “Renee is at some kind of wharf with warehouses all around, searching for something, I don’t know what. Next thing I know, she’s in the water, struggling, unable to reach the surface, until…” She trails off.

Renee stands up, and all eyes move to her. Drowning. That’s how she’s going to go? After the life she’s lived, it feels positively anticlimactic. If she dies before her time, it should at least be in a fight or while saving someone else’s life.

And how ironic was it, really, for someone like her, someone with the power to defy gravity, to die in water?

“Renee?” Nicky asks, sounding surprisingly careful. It’s only then that Renee realises she’s balled her hands into fists. She wills herself to uncurl them and smiles at the others.

“I suppose I should avoid wharfs for the foreseeable future.”

“Renee—” Dan starts, but Allison cuts her off with, “You’re not going to die.”

“Your visions have proven hard to stop, Allison,” Renee says softly.

Allison juts out her chin stubbornly. “This one is only coming true over my dead body.”

“We will find a way.” Andrew doesn’t speak often, but when he does, like just now, everyone quietens and listens. He uses _we_ even more rarely, and when Renee meets his steady gaze, she finds it hard not to believe him. She nods at him and thinks she sees something determined flash in his eyes as he nods back.

 

* * *

 

“I can’t believe Andrew and I have something to bond over,” Allison says later.

They’re alone in Renee’s apartment now; all the others left after promising to put their all into researching ways to prevent the vision, like they do every time Allison sees something they don’t like. They’ve never managed to affect the vision’s final outcome, though they’ve succeeded at altering small details here and there.

“Huh?” Renee’s distracted, making Allison the hummus-avocado sandwich she requested.

“We both don’t want you to die. It’s the most we’ve ever had in common.”

Renee can’t help but smile. “Not true. You’re just being dramatic.”

“And what of it? I still can’t move my legs, I’ve earned this.”

It always takes Allison a while to regain full control of her body after a vision, and it was decided that she’s going to stay at Renee’s for the night. Renee is pretty sure this is for her sake as much as for Allison’s—the others don’t want her to be alone tonight.

“Okay, done,” Renee finally says. Avocados are so messy, and the hummus isn’t helping things; her fingers are covered in a gooey mixture of both. She grabs Allison’s plate with her palms, sticking her fingers out away from it.

Somehow, Renee manages to deposit the plate on Allison’s lap without smearing anything anywhere, and she nods to herself in satisfaction.

“You’re wasting it,” Allison says with a frown, and the smile slips off Renee’s face in an instant as Allison grabs her hand and licks the gooey mess off of one of her fingers.

After a moment of stunned immobility, Renee rips her hand away, spraying bits of avocado all over the carpet in front of the couch.

“Bacteria,” Renee mumbles by way of an explanation, avoiding eye contact with Allison. “I’ll go clean up.”

She goes over to the small kitchen island, her cheeks burning. With shaking hands, she first washes her hands, then cleans up the chopping board and knife she used. Vaguely, she can hear the sounds of Allison eating behind her. She takes a deep breath, the running tap camouflaging the sound.

Long ago, she promised herself that she would never act on this want, and she isn’t going to break that promise now. Her gaze lands on her moon calendar and, with a jolt, she realises the next full moon is in fifteen days. There’s no way of knowing whether that’s _her_ full moon, but it might very well be.

After pulling the plug out of the drain, she watches the water swirl, her thoughts swirling with it. _Fifteen days, I love her, I want her, I’m going to die, Allison, just fifteen more days, I love her, I’m going to die, die, die…_

 

* * *

 

Renee can’t even remember when exactly she started feeling this way towards Allison. Was it before or after the first—and only—time they slept with each other?

It happened like this: Allison and Seth had broken up and she stormed into the apartment they shared with Dan, slamming the door behind her and kicking her shoes off.

“I’m never getting back together with that jerk,” she spat. “It’s over. This time for good.”

Renee, who didn’t yet know that Allison said that every single time, looked up from the book she was reading.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“I’m great.” Allison almost managed to make it sound convincing. “Much better now that I’m free of him.”

Renee smiled at her, trying for reassuring. “I’m glad that you are feeling better now.”

“I definitely am.” Allison looked Renee up and down then, her gaze resting on her face in the end, studying her. “Dan’s at Matt’s tonight. Let’s have sex.”

Renee blinked. “Why?”

“Why?” Allison laughed. “You’re the only person who’s ever asked me that. Because it feels good. Because it makes you relax. Because it helps me forget about him.”

“No,” Renee said, voice firm.

Allison’s eyebrows wandered up. “No?” she asked, then slowly ran her hands down her body, along the seam of her skin-tight dress. “Are you sure?”

Swallowing heavily, Renee nodded.

Allison laughed again and let herself fall onto the couch next to Renee. “All right.”

They ended up channel surfing, fighting over the remote sometimes because their attention never seemed to be caught by the same shows, all varying degrees of awful. The later it got, the more the TV turned into nothing more than background noise to their conversation. They talked about the past, the present, the future, everything and nothing and all the little things in between. Thinking back, Renee can still clearly recall how intimate it all felt.

She has no idea anymore how they wound up kissing back then, who moved in first, but before she knew it, their lips had met. The intensity seemed to change in waves, some minutes spent gently moving their lips against each other’s, a delicate dance, a soft exploration, others spent half in each other’s laps, constantly out of breath and never really pausing long enough to catch it.

During one of the latter phases, Allison detached herself from Renee’s mouth with an obscene sound and pressed frantic kisses along her jaw until she finally reached her ear, where she said, quietly, her voice rough, “I really want to have sex with you, Renee.”

And Renee, who felt a shiver run down her spine at the words, who couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this close to anyone, who couldn’t remember _if_ she’d ever felt this close to anyone, let her gaze flit all over Allison’s face before finally looking right into Allison’s beautiful dark eyes. A mistake. What she saw there sent a jolt right through her core and she felt a big part of her control slip from her fingers like silk, leaving a tingly heat in its wake.

Allison kissed down her neck and Renee couldn’t help but dig her fingers into Allison’s waist. The noise Allison made in response caused Renee to let her head fall back against the couch, unsuccessfully trying to get her heartbeat under control.

“Do you want to sleep with me too?” Allison asked, barely more than a whisper, and in that moment, Renee couldn’t possibly conceive of any answer but yes.

They talked about their boundaries and preferences in between kisses on their way to Renee’s room and while taking off each other’s clothes; it felt simple and natural, nothing awkward about it. While Renee closed her bedroom door behind them, Allison took off the rest of her clothes without any self-consciousness and sat down on the edge of Renee’s bed. Her eyebrows were lifted in challenge and the heat in her eyes made Renee lick her lips.

Throwing all caution to the wind, she took off her shirt and then went down on her knees in front of the bed. Allison’s legs parted for her easy as breathing, and Renee pressed fleeting kisses to the insides of her thighs before moving her mouth where they both wanted it.

It was… good. Allison didn’t cross even one of Renee’s lines, and Renee was surprised at not even being surprised about it. With her rather brusque nature at times, Allison could seem inconsiderate, but she had always made Renee feel like it was no trouble at all to be mindful of her sometimes unusual hang-ups.

As for Renee, she never even considered toeing one of Allison’s lines, and she was so careful with them that eventually, Allison completely gave herself over to Renee with a deep sigh. Renee hadn’t even noticed the way that Allison had kept herself carefully in check until she’d finally relaxed her hold. Maybe, with Seth, she’d never felt comfortable ceding control entirely. Renee shook off the thought; she really didn’t want to be thinking of Allison’s ex right then.

At the end of the night, they fell asleep naked, sticky all over, completely entangled, and at peace.

Upon waking up the next morning, the first thing Renee did was smile. Then she grimaced, really regretting that she hadn’t showered the night before. She stretched and popped her back, registering that the other half of the bed was empty.

After pulling on a bathrobe, she padded outside and looked around the apartment, but she was the only one there. She shrugged. Allison was probably running some errands—it was Saturday after all—and Dan was still at Matt’s.

Stifling a yawn in her sleeve, she decided to finally take that long-overdue shower, smiling all the while. She wondered if she should try to cook something for Allison—and Dan, of course—and she wondered what Allison would say when she saw her again and how they should act around each other. Most of all, she wondered if they were together now or if they’d slow down first and see where this led.

Renee buried her face in her hands with a helpless sort of sound and decided to try and put all of that out of her mind until Allison returned and they could talk it all through.

She did her assignments on the couch, distracted though valiantly pretending she wasn’t. When the door finally opened, her grip on her pencil tightened so much that it snapped in half. She didn’t even look down to check how big of a mess she’d made until Dan stepped through the doorway.

“What’s up with you?” Dan grunted while struggling with her bag strap that had decided to get entangled on the door handle. “I don’t expect you to cheer when I get home, but your face falling when I walk through the door isn’t exactly a confidence booster.”

“Sorry.”

Dan laughed and waved it off, then froze, one hand still fighting her bag strap. “Wait a minute. Were you waiting for Allison?”

Without her say-so, Renee’s hands curled into fists in her lap, a splinter from the broken pencil digging into her palm.

“You were!” Dan had apparently given up on the bag strap and decided to disentangle herself from it instead. “I knew there was a thing between you two. Thank god, to be honest. I didn’t want to say anything in front of Allison, rose-tinted glasses and all that, but I don’t think she and Seth are good for each other in the long run.”

Renee didn’t say anything. She didn’t want to lie, but she didn’t want to tell the truth, either. Not before she’d talked to Allison.

Dan’s presence instantly made any room more alive and comfortable, and the time till Allison’s arrival passed much more quickly than the time before Dan’s had.

That Allison was drunk was immediately noticeable. She giggled at Dan’s bag, which was still tangled around the door handle, and pawed at it ineffectually.

Her expression suddenly turned dead serious, and she said, “Your bag is trapped, Dan. It’s lost. I couldn’t save it.”

Dan hurried over to her, grabbing her shoulders to steady her and helping her get her shoes off.

“Thanks, angel,” Allison said and grabbed Dan’s face to plant a kiss on her nose.

Wiping lipstick off herself, Dan steered Allison towards the couch. “Is this about your break-up?”

And for the first time, Allison looked at Renee, her expression angry. “You told her?”

“Hey, relax, Renee didn’t say anything,” Dan interjected. “Seth called Matt last night to vent.”

Allison let her head loll back towards Dan and grinned. “Well, you might as well forget it again because we’re back together. For good, this time.”

Dan’s gaze snapped from Allison to Renee, who had stilled.

Something inside Renee’s gut twisted up so tightly that she couldn’t breathe properly anymore. She stood up abruptly. “I have to go.”

Avoiding eye contact with anyone, she swiftly packed up her essentials, grabbed a coat, slipped into her shoes, tugged Dan’s bag off the handle in one quick move, and then she was through the door, closing it softly behind her, though not before she heard Dan asking, “What the heck happened between you two?”

She didn’t wait to hear Allison’s reply. Instead, she hurried down the stairs and didn’t take another breath till she finally pushed the building’s door open. After giving herself a moment to gasp and regulate her breathing, she took off down the street aimlessly, changing directions arbitrarily to avoid walking past other people.

It didn’t matter, really, she stubbornly thought at her hands when they wouldn’t stop shaking, reminding her uncomfortably of when she’d gone through withdrawal.

She’d probably read the situation wrong. It had obviously been something casual to Allison, like she’d said when she’d first offered they slept together. Just because things had changed for Renee as the night went on… Well, they obviously hadn’t for Allison. It didn’t matter. She just needed a moment to let it all go and work through her emotions, then it would be fine.

She couldn’t let this ruin their living situation, she wouldn’t. This chance Wymack had given them—to form a bond with each other, to get the help they needed, to shape their future according to their hopes and dreams, to _have_ a future at all—was a godsend; Stephanie had said so. Her _mother_. She wouldn’t jeopardise that for anything.

Most groups wouldn’t even give someone like her a chance to join, because you always brought your baggage into it to a certain extent. And she would never go back to the people she was with during her teenage years.

Inhaling cool night air and holding it in until she couldn’t anymore, she started heading back to their apartment. She felt ridiculous, to have let something like this affect her so much. It was nothing. It had meant nothing. To Allison, at least.

When she finally opened the door to their apartment, Dan and Allison were still in their shared space, but Dan had her back to Allison and her arms crossed in front of her chest. She caught sight of Renee first.

“Renee!”

She tried on a smile. It felt passable. “Hey.”

Allison opened her mouth, but Renee met her gaze and shook her head, her face feeling like stone, no trace of the smile left.

Determined, she walked towards her room, really hoping to avoid any uncomfortable conversations. No such luck; Allison grabbed her arm to stop her when she walked past her, and Renee ripped it out of her grip, tamping down on a sudden burst of cold fury. “What?”

“Renee, about last night—”

“No,” Renee cut her off sharply. She glanced at Dan and motioned for Allison to follow her to her room. It was hard enough to be any amount of vulnerable in front of one person. She closed the door behind them and steeled herself before turning to face Allison.

“Look, I didn’t—”

“It’s fine,” Renee said. “I obviously got the wrong impression, that’s on me. Just give me some time and space and everything will go back to how it was.” Maybe, anyway.

“I always do this. I thought you knew that.” There was a pleading note to Allison’s voice that made Renee’s skin crawl. “Seth does it too.”

“I didn’t know that, actually. I haven’t known you for very long.”

Allison looked taken aback, eyes wide, lips parted, like last night when Renee— She tore her eyes away from Allison, avoiding her bed too. Those memories were definitely not helping this conversation.

“Fuck, you’re right. I always forget because you fit in so well, like you were always meant to be here.” She huffed a weak laugh. “Seth and I, we break up every couple of months, sometimes even after a few weeks. Usually, I go to a bar and see if someone catches my eye, and if they do, I take them home with me. Once, at the very beginning, I tried to pick up Dan, but she somehow managed to resist all this.” Allison tried for a bit of levity, though it was obvious that her heart wasn’t in it.

Renee didn’t laugh; in fact, it felt like her stomach had bottomed out. It hadn’t been about her at all. It could have been anybody on the couch last night and Allison would have—

“The conversations, all of that, was that just to get me into bed with you?”

“No,” Allison said, voice firm. “When you said no, that was it for me. But then the kissing just kind of happened, and I really wanted you and…” She broke off, looking confused. “I felt—”

“It’s all right.” Renee had to cut her off, because going by the expression on Allison’s face, whatever she was going to say next was just going to make it harder for Renee to let all of this go. She needed to stamp on this nameless seed inside her hard enough to kill it, so that nothing could grow there again. She didn’t need Allison adding fertiliser to the ground instead. “Let’s forget about it. This is simply a case of failed communication and a resulting misunderstanding.”

Allison studied her intently. Eventually, she nodded slowly. “Okay. If that’s what you want.”

While nodding back, Renee swore to herself that she would never again let anything happen between her and Allison. She wasn’t going to risk endangering finally having found a group that would take her in for anything, and she and Allison were obviously a bad idea.

“Have you guys talked it out?” Dan called. “I think I’m getting a stress pimple and I’m blaming it on you, Allison.”

“Hey!” Allison said and ripped open Renee’s door, launching herself at Dan.

Their laughter floated into Renee’s room through the open door, and for a moment, she felt so separate from them, frozen, alone.

“Get in here, Walker!”

Renee slipped on a smile that felt almost entirely genuine. Taking a moment to ensure her grip on the kinder, softer personality traits she’d worked so hard for was secure enough, she went out and joined them, closing the door on her empty room.

 

* * *

 

As time went on, it became obvious that she should have torn that seed out at the root, because it had turned into an entire patch of bright flowers while she hadn’t been looking.

When Seth died, a small part of her felt hope, and she still hasn’t forgiven herself for that.

 

* * *

 

“Are you okay to sleep on the couch or should I carry you to bed?”

“Carry me,” Allison replies instantly, stretching her arms out towards Renee. “When will you learn? Even if you add carrying me to the most unappealing option, I’m still going to pick that one.”

Renee huffs and goes to her bedroom to prop the door open. When she gets back to the couch, Allison is sitting up, looking at her expectantly, and Renee smiles. She drops into a squat and slides her arms into the right position, lifting both Allison and the blanket covering her.

Allison is taller than her, but carrying her is never awkward because she’s also flexible and moulds herself into Renee’s arms perfectly every time. It’s only hard when she’s unconscious after a vision.

After a stop in the bathroom so Allison can clean up and use the toilet, Renee carries her to her room and gently deposits her on the bed. For a moment, her face hovers mere inches above Allison’s, and neither of them even blinks for the longest time, just looking at each other. Finally, Renee clears her throat and straightens.

“I’ll go get ready too and then I’ll come back. If you’re okay with sharing the bed tonight?”

Allison rolls her eyes. “It’s your bed. Besides, I want you close.”

There’s a pause where Allison’s words sink in for both of them, but Allison doesn’t back down, simply sticks her chin out and throws Renee a challenging look.

Overcome with fondness, Renee says, softly, “I’ll be back soon,” and heads to the bathroom for a quick shower.

It’s good like this. She and Allison are friends; they care about each other, a lot. It’s best to keep it that way, best for the Foxes and for the two of them too, probably.

Renee leans her forehead against the moist bathroom tiles, letting the water pelt her back and wash her doubts away.

When she gets back to her room, she freezes in the doorway. Allison is wearing her pyjamas.

“What?” Allison asks when she catches her staring. She pulls on one smiling-cloud-patterned sleeve and wrinkles her nose. “I don’t get why you love pyjamas so much. My arms feel trapped.” She wriggles around under the covers a bit till the frown eases off her face, apparently having adjusted the pyjamas to her liking.

It takes Renee a moment to find her voice. “Then why are you wearing them?”

“Because they smell like you, of course.” Allison turns her head into her shoulder and mumbles, “It’s comforting.”

Renee barely resists the urge to bury her face in her hands. Allison isn’t making this easy. Instead, she picks up Allison’s outfit and folds it neatly, leaving it in a pile next to her side of the bed. “At least you can move your legs again.”

“Don’t be fooled,” Allison says, shaking her head. “It wasn’t easy getting these pyjamas pants on. It left me panting.”

Maybe tuning Allison out in general would help. Knowing she’ll never actually do that, Renee bites down on the inside of her cheek and gets a fresh pair of pyjamas out of her closet, these ones with glasses-wearing hedgehogs printed all over them.

Allison looks at her pyjamas with raised eyebrows. “Are you going to grow spines if I try to touch you?”

“Allison,” Renee says, sounding stricter than intended. She sighs, deflating. “What are you doing?”

“I thought that was obvious.” Allison shrugs.

“Stop it.”

“Why?” Allison demands.

“Is this about me only having fifteen more days to live?”

“You’re not dying.”

“Maybe not,” Renee allows. She turns her back on Allison and changes quickly, dropping onto her side of the bed afterwards and slipping underneath the covers.

“I always forget about your tattoo.”

Renee’s mouth pulls into a mix between a smile and a grimace. “Good for you.”

Allison pauses, studying her. “Are you mad at me?”

“No.”

“You are,” Allison says, trying to sit up but giving up when her body won’t respond properly. “You’re mad at me. Because I had a vision of your death.”

“I’m not.”

“Bullshit. You are. I can tell,” Allison insists. Then, a beat later, “That’s not fair.”

Renee lets out a mirthless laugh, unable to help it. “I know it’s not fair. It’s not your fault that even if I don’t die in fifteen days, I will think every month is my last.” She took a shaking breath, her hands curling into fists. “I will spend every full moon waiting to drown.”

“Renee—”

“Don’t,” Renee says, shaking her head. “It’s not your fault, and I know you don’t want to lose me, and that fear is making you want to be close to me.” She turns her head and looks Allison in the eyes. “I know. But right now, I can’t handle that.”

Allison’s expression circles through a variety of emotions before it finally settles on a forced kind of calmness and she nods. “Okay.”

“Let’s sleep.”

Allison’s yawn is answer enough. In order to turn off the lights, Renee has to lean over her and hit the switch, bringing them into close proximity once again. She really doesn’t know why she’s being tested like this today.

“Good night, Renee.”

“Good night,” Renee replies, but she doesn’t close her eyes, letting them adjust to the darkness instead. She doesn’t feel tired at all, and a part of her doesn’t want to let sleep take away any of the limited time she has left.

She considers using her powers to walk up to the ceiling and try to meditate there—it’s her preferred place for it—but the thought of scaring Allison if she wakes up and finds her perched on the ceiling stops her.

“Renee,” Allison says quietly, and Renee hums to show she’s still awake. “That night, all those years ago… I was so confused.”

“Allison—”

“No. Let me say this.” Allison’s voice sounds so intent that Renee closes her mouth again. “That night with you, it was the first time, the only time, I’ve felt that, so close, so vulnerable, but in a safe way. I was used to my admittedly imperfect relationship with Seth, and I thought that was true love, that that was how it was supposed to feel. But what I felt when I was with you… it was healing, in a way, and that terrified me and made me question everything about myself, so I pushed it away and returned to familiar territory.”

Renee lies frozen. She feels Allison tentatively put her hand on hers and doesn’t pull away, which Allison takes as incentive to tighten her grip.

“I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“You didn’t,” Renee says, her breathing turned erratic.

Allison squeezes her hand. “Okay.”

After a moment, Renee says, “I thought you regretted it. Back then.”

“I did.” Allison lets out a shaky sigh. “Because of how completely it threw me for a loop. All the breaking up, the making up, the fighting, with Seth… I just didn’t want to see that it wasn’t good for me.”

“I understand.” In fact, Renee could relate on an intrinsic level.

“You deserved better, Renee. More than anything I regret not being more honest with you.”

Renee’s surprised at how open Allison is being about her emotions. But she supposes that comes with the territory when you suspect you only have limited time to talk to someone you care about. It makes you want to clear up all the little things.

“I want to be with you,” Allison says, and it feels like Renee’s heart stops beating. She can feel Allison’s gaze boring into her profile and turns her face away from her, willing her heartbeat to quiet down.

“Don’t do this to yourself.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m going to die, Allison. We need to face the truth. Your visions have never once not come true, and I’m not going to be the exception. Don’t start something with me only to have to grieve again when I’m gone.”

“You’re deluding yourself if you think I’m not going to grieve anyway. I love you, Renee.” Allison’s voice breaks on those words, and part of Renee breaks with it. “It doesn’t matter if you want to be with me or not, if, and it _is_ an if, you do somehow die, it’ll hurt the same.”

“‘If I want to be with you.’ Don’t pretend you don’t know.” Renee feels like one of the hedgehogs on her pyjamas: protective spines extended, but with a soft, vulnerable belly.

“Know what?”

A sudden stab of anger pierces right through Renee’s core and she turns her head back around to look Allison in the eyes when she says, “That I’ve wanted you for years. That I’ve _loved_ you for years.” Allison draws in a sharp breath, and just like that, all of Renee’s anger evaporates as quickly as it came. “You didn’t know?”

“Renee, you’re kind to and considerate of everyone. It pains me to admit this, given my perfect track record with these things, but I had no idea you saw me any differently than Dan, for example. I thought you’d written me off for good after what followed our night together.”

“I tried to,” Renee says quietly. “It didn’t work.”

“You love me,” Allison says, sounding smug now instead of bewildered.

“You love me too.”

“I do.”

The fingers of Renee’s free hand dig into the sheets and close into a fist. “Go to bed, Allison.”

“I’m in bed.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I don’t want to sleep. I want to talk to you.”

“You have fifteen more days, so you don’t need to count the seconds.”

“Then why are you awake?” Allison challenges.

“I thought you said I wasn’t going to die,” Renee shoots back, and they glare at each other.

Finally, Renee averts her gaze and Allison sighs. “Why do you have to make this so difficult?”

“I won’t jeopardise our group.”

“The Foxes?” Allison huffs. “What about Dan and Matt? Neil and Andrew? You know what, I’m not even going to argue with that because it’s too ridiculous. Our bond is stronger than that and you know it.”

The thing is, Renee knows Allison’s right. And with her literal deadline on the horizon, it wouldn’t even matter if they did somehow mess up the Foxes’ dynamics. But still, part of her shies away from taking the next step and letting herself have this. Maybe she’s wanted it in vain for so long that she’s gotten used to it, comfortable with her unrequited feelings.

“You’re scared,” Allison says, sounding surprised at the realisation.

“Maybe,” Renee admits.

“Why?”

And Renee really doesn’t want to talk about this right now, tired of thinking about and feeling fear. So she leans over and presses her lips to Allison’s, pulling back again before Allison can even so much as blink.

“There. Happy now?”

Allison squeezes her hand again and it’s only in that moment that Renee realises that she’s still holding it.

“I don’t want you to pressure yourself into anything,” Allison says. “I just want you to know how I feel about you and what I want. Your decision is up to you and I will respect your choice.”

“This isn’t about what I _want_ , Allison,” Renee says, frustration creeping into her voice. If she always gave into what she wants then her life would be hell, or long over. “It’s about making the right choice.”

A pause. Then: “Is this about Jesus?”

Allison’s words are so unexpected that after a beat, Renee bursts out laughing. A moment later, Allison joins in, and then they’re clutching at each other helplessly, unable to stop shaking with laughter.

When her stomach muscles start protesting, Renee presses her face into Allison’s shoulder and tries to take deep breaths to finally stop laughing. She lifts her head again once they’ve both stopped shaking and her breath catches in her throat as their eyes meet in such close proximity. Everything within her constricts in longing and she tears her gaze away with difficulty.

Except… why is she even holding herself back anymore?

When she can’t come up with an answer to that, good or otherwise, she shuffles further up the bed to press a kiss to Allison’s temple. A shuddering breath leaves Allison, her eyes fluttering shut and her hand twitching in Renee’s own.

“Let’s talk about this tomorrow,” Renee says quietly and, with a last squeeze of Allison’s hand, lets go of her hand and returns to her side of the bed.

“Promise?” Allison asks just as softly.

“I promise.”

After that, sleep doesn’t seem like such an impossibility anymore.

 

* * *

 

Renee wakes to the feeling of eyes on her and she stiffens. Opening her eyes cautiously, she catches sight of Allison looking at her. The tender expression on her face makes Renee’s chest hurt.

During the night, they seem to have curled towards each other, not touching but apparently reaching. Renee clears her throat and pulls back a little. She doesn’t know what to do with what the disappointment flitting across Allison’s face does to her.

“Morning,” Renee says.

Allison rolls onto her back to stretch with a groan. “Morning.”

“So…”

“So?”

Renee swallows. “Do you want anything specific for breakfast?”

Rolling back onto her side, Allison pillows her face in her palm and raises an eyebrow at Renee. “Really? You want to talk about breakfast right now?”

Renee’s stomach grumbles in answer. With a laugh, Allison grabs her pillow and throws it at Renee’s face. Renee swats it away with a specific type of smile that only Allison ever seems to elicit and gets out of bed.

She tries to take slow and measured steps in an effort to ground herself but fails spectacularly. The sound of Allison’s bare feet on the floor behind her makes her heartbeat speed up ridiculously.

Opening a cupboard door, she realises that she put the bag of toast on the highest shelf for some reason, so she walks up the wall to the ceiling and grabs the toast that way, her own personal cheat code for anyone who tries to put something out of her reach. She’s watched Andrew and Aaron watch her do that with frowns on their faces, a varying degree of obvious about it. Neil never seems to mind; in fact, he seems to enjoy climbing up onto the counter to get stuff. That’s why the taller members of the Foxes have long since stopped trying to rile him up that way.

“Watching you use your powers never gets old.”

Renee gets back down and looks over at Allison, who’s leaning against the door jamb and looking at her with a smile on her face. Biting down on the inside of her cheek so she doesn’t comment on how the last time she sees Allison use her powers can’t come soon enough, Renee smiles back.

“Renee,” Allison says and repeats her words from the night before, “I want to be with you. And don’t say we’re together right now, because you know what I mean.”

Leaning her trembling hands on the counter, Renee drops her head. “I want that too.”

She can hear the hitch in Allison’s breathing but decidedly doesn’t look over at her even when she hears her approaching. Only when she feels Allison take one of her hands in hers does her head snap up, her gaze unavoidably drawn to Allison’s own. As soon as they make eye contact, Renee’s stomach flips, her heartbeat accelerates and her throat goes dry; she tries to swallow anyway.

“Then let’s be together,” Allison says, her voice so low and soft that Renee can feel herself melting as fast as an ice cube on a hot summer day.

“Yes,” Renee says and puts her free hand on the side of Allison’s neck. “Let’s.”

The grin that stretches out on Allison’s face then is so bright that Renee leans forward to hide face in her shoulder in an effort to keep at least a modicum of composure.

“No.” Allison stretches out the vowel and tugs at the back of Renee’s pyjamas. “Come back, I want to kiss you.”

Renee’s voice is muffled in Allison’s shoulder when she says, “I haven’t brushed my teeth yet.”

“Me neither. I really don’t care, Renee. You’re the reason I feel safe being open like this, vulnerable, and I love you and I want to kiss you and hug you and be close to you always and—”

And that does it. Renee lifts her head and leans up to stop Allison’s words with a kiss, because otherwise she might combust. When their lips meet, they both jolt, and Renee swallows Allison’s happy hum with her mouth.

She slides her hand to the back of Allison’s neck, but it gets caught in Allison’s hair on the way and they both stiffen. While Renee carefully untangles her hand, Allison starts laughing against her mouth, and before she knows it, Renee is laughing too, and then they’re clutching at each other trying to stay upright.

“We’re a disaster,” Renee says fondly when she finally stops laughing long enough to catch her breath.

“I think you mean a hot mess. Emphasis on hot.”

At that, Renee kisses Allison’s neck and hums against it, eliciting a shiver. “You’re right, of course.”

“Of course,” Allison repeats, a little breathier than Renee thinks she intended. Tucking a smile and another kiss against Allison’s neck, Renee pulls back.

“Time for breakfast.”

Allison makes grabby hands at her. “No, stay.”

Renee knows Allison’s joking, but she can’t help the cold feeling that spreads suddenly and overpoweringly through her stomach. Allison is destined to lose her, and there’s no way Renee can protect her from that.

“I’ll try,” Renee says quietly. Any trace of playfulness leaves Allison’s face and she stares hard at Renee, as if trying to hold on to her by willpower alone.

“So will I.” Allison’s voice is just as quiet, but there’s a steely determination in it too that was lacking in Renee’s own. Renee believes her. If anyone can find a loophole in their powers and use it to cheat death, it’s Allison.

She catches herself thinking, _I don’t ever want to leave her_ , and buries it behind a smile.

 

* * *

 

After that, Allison doesn’t so much move in with her as that she just doesn’t go back to her own place.

None of the other Foxes are surprised when they tell them they’re dating, and Nicky eventually stops clapping when no one else joins in on his applause. Instead of dwelling on what Dan defines as an ‘inevitable development,’ they immediately move on to talking about ways to prevent Renee from dying. Everyone questions Allison on past visions and how much they aligned with what actually happened, but Allison admits she doesn’t remember much of her visions after she first shares them except for the gist of them and how they made her feel.

“Let’s say that what Allison saw in her vision is unavoidable,” Matt says. Everyone glares at him and he lifts his hands. “Hear me out. Okay, so let’s say that happens and Renee ends up in water and all that. If we can’t stop that, then we’ll just have to change the eventual outcome and save her in time before she actually drowns.”

“We meet up every full moon and don’t let Renee out of our sight, not even to sleep, so we’ll definitely be there when it happens,” Dan adds thoughtfully. “It’s better than anything else we’ve got so far.”

“Till now, her big visions have always come too late,” Nicky agrees. “Seth was already dead, Neil was already gone. But this time, we know what’s coming way beforehand.”

“We can’t rule out the possibility that any preventative measures we take are what ends up making the events from the vision happen in the first place,” Kevin says, tapping his pen against his chin in thought. Neil snatches the pen out of his hand and fights Kevin off when he tries to reclaim it.

“Since the children are now entertained,” Dan says, watching them with raised eyebrows, “let’s talk logistics. Where should we meet on full moon nights?”

Allison puts her arm around Renee’s shoulders and pulls her closer to her. “Our place, of course. Duh. None of you know anything about interior design.”

“I contest that statement,” Nicky says, then pauses. “Aaron’s place looks decent at least.”

“That’s because of Katelyn, so it doesn’t count.”

Aaron shrugs and nods, the slightly dreamy expression he always gets when Katelyn is mentioned on his face.

Meanwhile, Renee struggles to slowly unfreeze herself. Allison called her apartment their place and thereby incapacitated Renee in one fell swoop. The thought of Allison officially moving in with her and adding Reynolds next to Walker on her door feels like the solution to a problem Renee didn’t even realise she had.

When she finally manages to reconnect her consciousness to her body and look up, she catches Andrew watching her with one eyebrow raised. She smiles at him and he looks away, a look of understanding crossing his face. They often don’t need words to communicate, and the way Andrew’s gaze wanders to Neil like he can’t help himself tells Renee everything she needs to know.

 

* * *

 

Andrew plays with his powers after one of their sparring matches, summoning an orb of light into his hand and then extinguishing it by making a fist, over and over and over again. It’s soothing to watch, even if looking directly into the light leaves spots behind when Renee closes her eyes.

“Do you think you’ll find someone else to spar with?”

The slight pause before he uncurls his fingers again is his only visible reaction. “I will not need to.”

Renee hums, too tired to debate this again. Everyone but her seems convinced she isn’t going to die, but she can’t let herself think that or it will destroy her when it actually happens. She doesn’t want to lose her faith, not after working so hard to gain it. She needs herself to have made peace with this by the time it happens.

“Maybe not.”

“Allison had the vision,” Andrew says, sitting up straight and looking at Renee dead-on. He ticks points off on his fingers like he’s made a list. “Allison loves you too much to let her power predict your death. Allison has always been the only one who can influence the outcome of her visions.”

“How do you know?”

“It is obvious.”

“Not that… she loves me. I meant about her being the only one who can do something about her visions.”

Andrew breaks eye contact and doesn’t say anything, so Renee lets it drop. They don’t pry; it’s been like that between them ever since Andrew ruled her out as a threat.

With a little jump, Renee gets back on her feet and holds her hand out to Andrew. “Ready to go again?”

He takes it, so she heaves him up and they get back to it. Renee’s grateful; when fighting, she lives entirely in the moment, no worried thoughts bogging her down, nothing mattering but protecting herself and incapacitating her opponent.

 

* * *

 

“Allison,” Renee says one night close to the next full moon which may or may not be her last one, her head in Allison’s lap and Allison’s hand in her hair. Allison hums to show her she’s listening.

Their eyes meet, Allison looking down, Renee looking up, and Renee _aches_. After gathering herself for a moment, she says, “Promise me you won’t grieve me for too long.”

In an instant, Allison’s expression shutters, and she withdraws her hand from Renee’s hair.

“Allison,” she insists. “If I do die, know that I want you to be happy, always.”

“Don’t do this, Renee.”

They just look at each other for a while, until Renee has to close her eyes to shield them from the drops falling down from above. Renee takes Allison’s hand in her own and sits up, settling her body in Allison’s lap. She holds Allison close as she cries and yearns for a way to make sure that Allison never has to hurt again.

Eventually, Allison pulls her head back from Renee’s chest and looks up at her. Gently, Renee wipes her tears away with her thumbs and leaves her hands cupping Allison’s cheeks when she’s done.

“I don’t want to lose you,” Allison says, the words sounding rough with shed tears.

There are so many things Renee could reply to that: _I don’t want to lose you either_ ; _We haven’t had much time but I don’t think I’ll ever feel like I’ve had enough time with you_ ; _I want to stay with you forever_ ; _I love you_ ; _Please be okay without me_ ; _Please don’t forget me completely_ ; _Please have a good life_.

She swallows them all and says, “I know.”

“We’ll find a way to save you.” Allison moves her hand from Renee’s back to her face to her waist, like she can’t decide which part of Renee to hold on to in order to keep her safe. “Andrew has a theory and we’ve been analysing that together. We’ve actually been talking, can you believe it? I think we might get along. We don’t even need Neil to interpret our very different ways of communicating for us anymore.”

Renee presses a kiss to Allison’s cheek and pulls back again with a smile, shifting a bit in Allison’s lap to find a more comfortable position. Allison stares at her for a moment, an inscrutable expression on her face, and then she surges upwards and presses her lips to Renee’s with a desperation her kisses have never carried before. It’s not the good kind, born of worry rather than want, but Renee indulges her anyway and they kiss until the lines between those different types of desperation blur. When Allison slips her fingers between Renee’s legs, Renee welcomes the distraction, lifting her body slightly to give Allison easier access and rolling her hips down into it.

“Don’t stop,” Renee pants, her hands on Allison’s shoulders, unable to stop herself from moving, trying to find the right angle, the right touch, to get Allison’s fingers back out to where she wants them most. Allison shivers.

“God, Renee, I want you so badly,” Allison says, her voice barely a croak, and buries her face in the crook of Renee’s neck for a moment, pressing a kiss there before pulling back again and watching every tiny twitch in Renee’s expression with intense scrutiny. It’s almost too much, but the thought of her stopping is much worse than her rapt attention could ever be.

“Sit on my face after,” Renee says in between gasps, forgetting to phrase it like a question. She can’t think straight between the coil of arousal that’s winding tighter and tighter in her pelvis, waiting to unravel all at once, and the overwhelming urge to make Allison feel so good she doesn’t remember her own name, let alone any of her worries.

“God, Renee,” Allison repeats, and says her, “Yes,” into Renee’s mouth. Her free arm curls around Renee slowly, carefully, like she’s handling something precious, and that thought is enough to push Renee over the edge, climbing up, up, up, and then floating down gradually, like she weighs nothing at all, like she’s just a feather carried by a breeze.

 

* * *

 

When, finally, the day of the full moon rolls around, Renee goes grocery shopping in preparation for all of the Foxes coming over later. Allison went out earlier in the day and still hasn’t returned, so she doesn’t think anything of it when she gets home, a grocery bag in each hand, and the apartment is empty. She steps on something on her way in and, looking down, sees it’s a small slip of paper. Frowning, she bends down to pick it up and takes it with her into the kitchen. Maybe it’s some new marketing thing.

First, she puts Andrew’s ice cream and all the other frozen things in the freezer, then she empties the rest of the bags before finally taking a look at the note. Her eyes slide over the words, uncomprehending, and she has to pinch her arm before they register.

 _I have her_ , the note says. _Tell anyone and I slit her pretty throat._

There’s no question who ‘her’ is. Renee blinks and realises her hand is curled into a fist, crumpling the paper inside. She unfolds it again because she hasn’t yet memorised the address printed in a small font at the bottom. Stuffing a hand into her pocket to get her phone out for directions, she freezes, ice sliding down her spine when her fingers close on nothing. The knowledge that someone stole from _her_ , of all people, almost feels ironic enough to laugh. She’s truly gotten soft.

No matter. Softer she may be, but she isn’t—nor will she ever be—weak. Whoever took Allison will come to regret that decision; she will personally see to it.

 

* * *

 

After asking some helpful passers-by for directions, Renee finds out that the address on the note is on the other side of town. It’s a street lined with warehouses close to the wharf, because where else would it be, really. It might be Renee’s unavoidable destiny to drown, but it isn’t Allison’s destiny to die with her, not if she has anything to say about it.

Tuning out the constant circling of her thoughts— _I hope she’s safe, let her be safe, I hope she’s safe, I’ll do anything, please, let her be safe_ —Renee gets on the bus, then on the train heading to the coast. It’s been a while since the only life Renee was worried about was her own, and though she can’t quite bring herself to miss it, a part of her scolds her for ever becoming attached to other people, increasing the number of ways in which she can be hurt.

She watches through the smudged train window as the sun drops lower and lower in the sky.

Once the full moon rises, the scene will be set for her final curtain.

 

* * *

 

The desolation and quiet ominousness of the warehouse street seems comical in its predictability. She walks on walls whenever she can, trying to stay unnoticed, trying to find a sign of Allison’s presence. It’s dark and the full moon is well up in the sky by the time a voice makes her freeze in her tracks.

“Long time, no see, Natalie.”

Renee whirls around. She catches sight of a rather unassuming woman in a red coat and frowns.

“Do I know you?” she asks.

The woman in the red coat splutters. “You dare—” She takes a deep breath, moving her hands along with it. “No matter. Of course you don’t remember me, when you were always the golden child, stealing away all the attention that was rightfully mine.”

Renee tilts her head to the side. “Nelly?”

Upon hearing her name, Nelly’s face lights up. “You do remember! I knew it!”

“How could I forget,” Renee says. Truthfully, she just threw out one of the names she can remember from back then, hoping it was somehow the right one. It seems like luck’s on her side. “Where is Allison?”

“No.” Nelly vehemently shakes her head. “No. This is about _me_ now. For once, all eyes are going to be on me.”

“Is all of this really about your—” She bites down on her cheek before she can say inferiority complex. “The lack of attention you received in the Bloodhounds?”

“Of course not,” Nelly sneers. “It’s about how you are the reason almost all of them are dead or locked up.”

And good riddance to them. “I’m sorry. They manipulated me into selling all of you out. You’ve got to understand, I was young and in withdrawal and easy to influence.”

Nelly’s sneer takes on a decidedly self-satisfied note. “You know what did make me special? I never fell for your lies. I could always see you for the pathetic, inadequate woman you are.”

“What can I say? It takes one to see one,” Renee says with a shrug.

“Stupid girl,” Nelly hisses. “Don’t antagonise me.”

Renee can’t help herself. “Or what?”

“Oh, you don’t remember?” Nelly asks, her tone making a mockery of actual innocence. “Well, let me remind you.”

And then, just like that, Renee is floating in the air. Nelly has a hand stretched out towards her and a triumphant smirk on her face.

“Poor little Natalie who wasn’t gifted with an offensive or even defensive power,” Nelly says, her words laced with hatred. “But you can sneak, can’t you? Well, tell me, what good does that do now?” She shouts that last part at the air as if she thinks that somehow the Bloodhound leaders’ ghosts will hear her. Then she uses her free hand to fish Renee’s phone out of her coat pocket and Renee really wishes she could punch her in her smug face.

“You are better than me,” Renee tries. “They should have picked you. You’ve won.”

Her stomach leaps for more than one reason when Nelly lowers her hand slightly and Renee drops a couple of feet through the air, but then Nelly makes a fist and twists it until Renee is upside down. Without anywhere to plant her hands or feet, she can’t shift her centre of gravity, and for the first time, she truly knows what it feels like to be the wrong way around. She thinks she’d have been fine if she never found out.

“Nice try, but you were never the one I wanted to hear that from,” Nelly says, then shrugs. “And now, you drown. Bye-bye, Natalie. You won’t be missed.”

Nelly lifts her hand further and thrusts it outwards, hurtling Renee through the air towards the edge of the pier and beyond. She must be losing it in her desperation because for a moment, it seems like Allison is running towards her, approaching from behind Nelly’s back.

Renee hits the water and forces herself not to gasp at the pain that lances through her torso. As soon as she’s in the ocean, the currents drag her down and away and she thinks that it’s ironic how her powers are gravity-based and yet now she can’t tell up from down. Everything hurts and the urge to just _breathe_ is getting stronger by the second and it’s so cold and what if she starts swimming in the wrong direction and she can’t see it’s too dark and maybe this is the end.

Maybe this is the end.

She feels someone grab her hand and thinks, _Maybe this is God_.

 

* * *

 

“Renee,” someone’s saying close to her face, their warm breath washing over her chilled skin and making her shiver. She’s awake, but her consciousness doesn’t seem to want to properly attach itself to her body.

“God?” she croaks.

The person laughs and gently cups her cheeks in their hands. “Not quite.”

Renee blinks several times and finally, _finally_ , her vision manages to focus. She realises the heavy breathing she’s hearing is her own, mixed with the person’s, _Allison’s_.

“I didn’t die,” she says, more of a question than a statement.

Allison makes a noise that sounds like a mixture between a whimper and a laugh and starts peppering kisses all over Renee’s face.

“You’re alive,” she says in between kisses. And then again. “You’re alive.” And again. “You’re alive. You’re alive, Renee, and you’re going to stay that way.”

Renee tries to sit up but winces at the pain in her ribs and gives up on the endeavour. “Are you all right?”

“She never had me,” Allison says, shaking her head. “She just wrote that to get you to come here. I was at the library, doing research, and when I got home and saw the note…”

The warmth that unfurls inside Renee when Allison refers to her place as home is almost enough to make the chilly wetness of her clothes bearable.

“I want you to be safe, Renee,” Allison continues. “I know you can’t make any promises, but please don’t ever make me feel this kind of fear again.”

“We all want you to be safe,” Dan’s voice says, and Renee finally looks around. All the Foxes are here, standing in a protective circle around Allison and Renee. Behind them, she sees Nelly tied up and scowling. She smiles at her Foxes, her heart full of love.

“You thought I was drowning and no one thought to bring a change of clothes or even a towel?”

In the end, it’s Aaron who chucks a fluffy orange towel at her. When everyone stares at him, he shrugs. “What? I’m good at keeping a cool head in a crisis. By now,” he amends.

Allison grabs the towel and starts trying to dry Renee off. By the time she’s done, the towel is so wet that it doesn’t do much good when she uses it on herself. Besides, their clothes are still soaked, and Renee wants nothing more than to get rid of them and get into something dry and warm. She sees her thoughts mirrored on Allison’s face when she wrinkles her nose.

“Not the kind of wet I like to be,” Allison says.

Everyone groans.

“Moving on,” Dan decides. “Let’s get you two home.”

Renee catches Andrew’s gaze and a silent conversation passes between. At the end of it, she smiles and he nods, which turns her smile into a grin. If her eyes don’t deceive her, she thinks he smiles back, in his own subtle way.

A hand grabs hers, just like in the water, and Renee looks back at Allison. The two of them simply stare at each other for a moment until the others become impossible to ignore, and then Allison helps her up.

They both wobble a bit when standing, so they lean on each other. Renee presses a kiss to Allison’s shoulder, and when their eyes meet again and they share a smile, Renee squeezes Allison’s hand and thinks that she never wants to let go again.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading!! it would be very lovely of you to leave a comment
> 
> title is from Tracy Chapman's song This Time (I love it so much help it's relatable)
> 
> sorry if not all of this makes sense and if it seems a bit rushed?? it already got longer than I wanted it to be haha but if you have any questions I'll gladly answer them!! (if anyone even read this haha) I know the three girls shared a dorm in the books but I wanted them to share an apartment here and yeah.... Renee's room is the smallest so her part of the rent is the lowest! the flashback wasn't even supposed to be part of the story?? but now it is and it's kind of messy but I feel like they talk it through enough later idk
> 
> I just really wanted to move on from this bc I wrote like 21k of a Gwen/Morgana story two years ago and left off right before they storm the castle and take down Uther together with Arthur and the others and I finally wanna finish that!! also I had a cute idea for a Korra/Asami story that I really wanna write at some point
> 
> also I really don't understand the kudos/hits discrepancy?? because okay sure a lot of people are just gonna click out again after a couple of paragraphs, but some stories have thousands of hits and only a couple hundred kudos?? not counting the percentage of people who exited the story and those who finished reading it but hated it, that still leaves quite a few and I can't believe that so many people finish stories and don't like them enough to just click a button?? like it's so simple to do? I get not writing a comment, that can be hard sometimes, but clicking/pressing on a button?
> 
> if you have any theories about this I'd love to hear them please share!! I can't figure out the reasoning behind this phenomenon and it's bothering me bc I want things to make sense haha (I'm not talking about my own stuff here bc the most hits I ever got were like 200 and the most kudos 25 or smth haha and I know my style is a bit awkward. but some really amazing stories have like idk 13,000 hits and barely scrape 900 kudos and I just don't understand??)
> 
> ok now that I've checked my traditional ramble off my list, I can stop haha. this story can be seen as part 3 of the pyjama agenda bc pyjamas are cute and comfortable and I love them. thank you, lovely person, for reading, and take care!!
> 
> P.S. I never thought I'd read Renee say the words "Sit on my face" but then I wrote her saying them so.... shrug emoji I guess


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